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doedrops:

please do not yell at me im a nervous dumb girl who is just trying to survive

whatheballs:

This article is great because that author tried to put in as many dick jokes that he possibly could.

heckacute:

I’m sorry I can’t come to the phone right now. I’m busy cutting open Fruit Gushers and squeezing all of the goo into a glass so I can take a shot of it because that has always been a dream of mine and now that I’m an adult with a job, I finally have the means to make it a reality. Please leave your name and number after the beep. 

bbcatemysoul:

martinfreeman:

martinfreeman:

i feel like the weirdest thing in the whole world is that purses are considered to be like, for girls„„ in society……. i mean like……….. everybody has objects that need to be carried. why would that be a girl thing? carrying objects? a girl only thing?

can the science side of tumblr expalin this

because men get to carry things in their fully funcTIONAL POCKETS OF THEIR CLOTHING

craigslistdad:

and that’s when it came up and swallowed me millionth dollar

craigslistdad:

and that’s when it came up and swallowed me millionth dollar

sirobvious:

arrow-to-the-nii:

nohnoelle:

How To Train Your Humans

Give me a goddamn cup of coffee you shitty sunnuva fuckbasket.

$25

sirobvious:

arrow-to-the-nii:

nohnoelle:

How To Train Your Humans

Give me a goddamn cup of coffee you shitty sunnuva fuckbasket.

$25

theamazingindi:

spacephantom:

FMK lord farquaad shrek donkey

according to the movies both farquaad and shrek are terrible husbands, one is a tyranical dictator and the other one might fuck up the entirety of time if he gets bored, donkey is clearly the best husband of the three and u kno shrek a freak in the swamp so you kick farquaad’s tiny ass to the curb why is this even a question

Tagged with: #what did I just read  

madelinelime:

When I was a kid I thought your 20s were supposed to be fun, not filled with perpetual anxiety about financial stability and constantly feeling like an unaccomplished piece of shit. 

That’s because it was fun for baby boomers and they basically gave us this impression it would always be like that, but then they ruined the economy.

porrim:

so one time when i was in 8th grade my school went on a camping trip at this camp and at night we all went around the campfire and told stories

and one of the instructors pointed up at the hill where a bunch of deer had gathered. he explained that baby deer make certain noises to call their mothers over. he said if we were really quiet we could hear them

suddenly this huge black guy came out from the forest and yelled YO MAMA WHERE YOU AT


Natalie Dormer SDCC 2014 Portraits by Entertainment Weekly

Natalie Dormer SDCC 2014 Portraits by Entertainment Weekly

magentamayhem:

i am perfectly fine with having other people sit on my lap but i can’t sit on other people’s laps because i’m always paranoid that i’d crush them and they’d diE

dutchster:

get rich or die 9 times trying

dutchster:

get rich or die 9 times trying

pottersir:

[5/8] Harry Potter piano sheets